I have been emailing with
Nikki and she has me thinking a bit more about parenting...
We chat about the nature/nurture thing which she has blogged about recently but what Nikki got me thinking more about is balance - which we are ALL STRIVING to attain...
I was saying even been a parent now for 11 years I still feel I don't have the balance right. I think a lot of this is expectations I put on myself about what I need to 'achieve' and how I expect my children to be. I think the balancing act is difficult also because children are ever changing and growing... and so therefore their needs and behaviours...
So Nikki changed my thought processes and suggested...
if you are still feeling you are not getting the "balance" thing right after 11 years, maybe there is no "right". Maybe instead of feeling like we over-balance too often, we need to accept that there are times we'll do things great, and times we'll mess it all up. And that this is common and OK and normal. Rather than beat ourselves up and try harder next time, we accept that we just need to stop, realign and start again... without the self-angst... what do you think?
This was like a light bulb moment for me (why did I not think this myself?). Yes.. absolutely... yes. Yes - I work to hard to balance that I over balance. This has lead me to look at how I handle the children again.
What I think we are missing is community parenting - the support of having experienced elders and a large group of people helping each other. Families are living at much further distances from each other. Grandparents are working longer and retiring later so they are not as available to support. I also think as parents we feel 'we should' be able to get this right. We feel bad when we don't and shame - so we don't get help. Parenting is also harder because more people are leaving their homes to work. So they don't have parenting practise or the elders are not there to provide parenting support.
What are your thoughts?
I can banter on. Lets face it - life is the way it is now and we need to make it work the way it is. So I guess this comes down to finding supportive elders you trust who you can have access to. When it is hard or you feel like you are about to boil have something in place to help yourself and even the children. Maybe a phone call to someone you can talk to, or a pet you can talk to or an activity to help you keep calm. I have found in my parenting experience if I remain calm I find it a lot easier to cope. Even when the children around me seems to be falling to pieces. I also often encourage the children to take a deep breath before they blurt out the latest drama to me. Lately I have had trouble doing this.
I have gone out today and bought the book "Buddism for Parents" I have heard lots about it and think it is time I have a read of it.
