I want to withdraw my application for the position of Super Mum.
I signed on the position of super mum because I want people to think I am so clever.
The position entailed I used cloth nappies. It requires more domestic work and regular 2 - 3 hourly changing. It requires regular and delicate balancing of waste with a baby and a dirty nappy. It can be problematic with seepage and leakage. I have been unsuccessful in maintaining the regular cleaning requirements with child number three.
The position entails the baby is pacifier free. It requires the baby to not ever be offered a pacifier. Under no circumstances - despite baby excessive feeding, excessive overflow spill and strong desire to suck. I have been unsuccessful in avoiding the use of a soothing dummy.
The position entails the house is in perfect and immaculate order. I have been unsuccessful in maintaining the house in a perfect and immaculate state.
This position entails the baby is not held or gazed at for long periods. I have been unsuccessful in avoiding the overwhelming urge to watch my baby awake or asleep.
This position entails the baby is put to sleep in its own bedding. I have been unsuccessful in avoiding the use of my bed or front carrier for calming baby and sleeping purposes.
The position entails the baby settles quickly, feeds well and sleeps long periods. It requires settling with complete ease and no crying from the baby. It requires baby to feed well at all times and strictly to a regular 3-4 hourly routine with no top ups allowed. It requires baby to sleep in between feeds for the full period with no issues. I have been unsuccessful in ensuring my baby settles quickly, feeds well and sleeps long periods.
The position entails a calm, happy and easy going mother. It requires I am to always maintain a feeling of calmness. It requires I maintain a feeling of being happy with no feeling of being overwhelmed or emotional. It requires I am easy going and find anything very easy to do. I have been unsuccessful at maintaining a calm, happy and easy going character at all times.
I want to return to my original position of Being A Real Mum. This position allows me to feel less guilty of choices I make for MY baby. This position allows me to acknowledge my real emotions and feelings so I can feel and make choices that work for me. This position is a lot less emotionally and physically demanding. This position allows me to cuddle and hold my baby for as long as I want to. This position allows me to let go of the house work so I can gaze at my baby. This position lets my baby be happier because I can meet his needs the way it works for him and I. People still think I am clever.
I cannot believe four weeks has passed since I gave birth to you. Four weeks of broken nights. Four weeks of making the most of you. Four weeks of thinking I just want things back to normal - but this is our normal and this will be our normal for a while.
You still feel so new to me. I don't feel any wiser in how to settle you. I don't feel any wiser as to what you want - many times. I have spent long times wondering what on earth do I do to stop you crying. I have spent many times crying while you cry. Moments of wondering what on earth I got myself into then you stop and look at me with those big blue eyes or you finally fall asleep...
Please dont grow up to fast and please help me a little along the way?
When you think you think you got it - you slip again...
I forgot so much. I forgot what it was like to be really tired. I forgot how long it takes to do anything. I forgot how much they feed. I forgot how emotionally hard it is to get them to sleep at times. I forgot how much of an emotional journey this was going to be.
I am loving the total and utter love I have for him. I am loving kissing him. I am loving feeling his smooth skin. I am loving seeing him trying to smile. I am loving holding him in my arms way past him falling asleep. I am loving having him cuddled up with me in the hug a bub. I am loving him being ours...